I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
