Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
