I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
