you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
