Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
