I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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