I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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