I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
