Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So squirting runs in the family.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
