Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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