are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
