how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
