Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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