and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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