That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
