I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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