He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
