Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from England

Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.

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(812): View more from Indiana

They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.

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(772): View more from Florida

When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one

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(510): View more from California

JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.

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