Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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