clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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