Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
