I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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