if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
