Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
