we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
