She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
