Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
