Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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