You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
