I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
