So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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