Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
