I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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