How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
