She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
