I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize