He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
