i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
