I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
