my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
