I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
