I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize