Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
