so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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