I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
