if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
