just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
