I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
