His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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