Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
