you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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