Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
