dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I faked an abortion last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
