I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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