There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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