Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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