Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
