i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
