this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
