never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
