his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
