I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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