Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Found your dick twin last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
