Fine. I'll sleep in my office
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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