He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
