i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
