I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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