You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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