My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
