I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's JV to your varsity
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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