one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
