Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
