I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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