My liver just broke up with me...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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