ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
