fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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