even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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