I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
