he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
