if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
should my penis look like a turkey
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
